Whack

Well - at least I have something to write about.

I'm at the Blue Line Coffee House, drinking an espresso and eating a baguette with butter and jam, listening to Animal Collective Feels. Yesterday, I would have been at work, but I was let go. I now share the same pain as millions of Americans and tens of millions throughout the world. I've never been laid off before.

The speech I was given and the manner I was disposed of was sharp and quick. I was given less than four minutes to clean out my cube and I was told not to make a scene. There were signs. By chance, the last book I read was And Then We Came to the End. I was too stunned to make a scene. It was like the feeling you experience when you wake up after minor surgery.

Now comes this great, vast unknown. I have a condo that I can't sell in this market. I could rent it and move to an area in the country that's more accommodating, but if it doesn't get rented, I'm sunk. I'm envisioning myself in my PJs, searching out job tip sites and forming a greater appreciation of Matlock.

The biggest obstacle is 'the fear.' I see homeless people in my neighborhood and I keep thinking how close many are to that level of despair. I think 'a few months of missed condo payments and that could be you...' I think this is a great time to really focus on freelancing, but then I hear that the average professional freelancer makes $6,000 a year. That's awesome if I lived in Egypt. I think of the areas I would like to move to - this is the perfect excuse to get out of Omaha. Then I think of the money it's going to cost for just such an act. And not having a job in a strange area is never a good thing.

But all I can think about right now is how routines change when you don't have a job. I'm at the coffee house right now and I see students enjoying their summer off. I see people who drop in for a quick pick me up before their work shift begins. And on a few discussion boards, I never thought the phrase "anyway - gotta get back to work" would elicit such a response of longing and even jealousy from me.

I have some savings. I have plenty of CDs and food in the fridge to last a while. Here begins a new chapter in my life. There are things that every adult usually goes through...their first car crash, their first divorce and, of course, their first layoff. I'm hoping this is a brief journey of discovery.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out

First off, happy MLK day all. It's fitting that on the same day we honor our greatest civil rights leader, the worst president in US history has his last day in office. I'm headed to Brothers to have a scotch for this occasion. I'm a tad disappointed I haven't seen too many (actually, none) 'Bush's last day' parties in Omaha.

I woke up to KFacistAB last week and I heard Jim "brown nose" Rose boasted that no one watches MSNBC and it sickened him how the media treated Bush as the spawn of Satan. What the hell did these people do with Clinton during his eight years in office? The hosts tried to say that Iraq was his only mistake and it may not be a mistake a few years down the road. So, in essence, we may see a bit of Truman with Rush...err - Bush.

The only thing is those 'other' mistakes:
Katrina
The economy (no, the President didn't cause the recession, but much of the regulation he was against could have prevented some of this disaster)
The desecration of our stance in the world
The pissing on the Constitution
The hiring of two major ideologues on the Supreme Court that favors big business over individual rights

Yet, like a drunk, loser brother or uncle, you want to cut the guy some slack. Maybe he'll come around... but then he turns around and gives another dickish reason why this guy's absense from the world state can't be soon enough.

Is Children of Men better than Blade Runner?

First off - a special thanks to the Dundee theater for putting Children of Men on its midnight movie screening. I caught it Saturday/early Sunday with about 20 other patrons. I definitely put this movie in a different perspective than I did a few years ago - given the administration change. Still, virtually all of this movie takes place in the UK, not the U.S.

A few months ago, I caught the re-remastered Blade Runner at the Film Streams. I fell in love with the film in 1992 when I saw the director's cut at a discount theater in Lincoln, NE. But more than 15 years later, I saw a film that was basically a film noir mystery in the backdrop of a sci-fi world. But what a world it was.

Still, even with a greater sense of hope for our world, Children of Men still packs an emotional whallop on the big screen that still shakes me to my core.

In 15 years, who knows what people will say of Children of Men. Will it be regarded as well as Blade Runner? I can truly say it's better acted and written than Ridley Scott's film. But it will no doubt be less influential than Scott's film. Still, Alfonso Cuaron's film leaves me shaken like few other films this decade. The film wasn't nominated for best picture. That award went to The Departed. And though I celebrated that film's win, it goes without saying that in 15 years, that film's impact will not approach the impact of Children of Men. Kudos to the Dundee theater for bringing this moving back to the big screen for two nights.

What the hell is my blog about anymore?

If I were a freelance blogger - I would be baffled about what exactly this blog has turned into. The original title was and still is 'Exiled in Guyville.' It still is about feeling like an exile in the gay AND straight community in the midwest. But like many reclusive, geeky bisexuals - I'm not a fan of talking about sex - even in the comfortable world of anonymity. It's not like it freaks me out. Hell, I just saw Choke last night and didn't flinch. It was worse than vulgar. It was boring.

But I got tired of writing about near dating experiences - about griping about the gay community in Omaha. I wanted to blog more about stuff I truly cared about - like music, books, politics - life in general. Which is I guess sort of the whole point of the bisexual thing - I really don't want that to be the focal thing that defines me to people.

Hence - the infrequency of the posts. I'm just trying to figure out where to go next. Us bisexuals are a restless bunch. Many of us (myself included) may be intensely monogamous - but restless in the sense of not being satisfied with their current position in life.

One thing I would like to write about is what happened during the debates. I was watching it at one of the bars in Omaha. I struck up a conversation with a guy. An immensely cute, 30-ish, intelligent, somewhat guarded transplant from Denver. It was one of those great conversations where after the debate, both of us instinctively opted to go to a quieter place and continue our conversation for another hour and a half.

There were lots of "can I ask you a question..." "I don't say this to everyone..." type of segways. And absolutely no scripting - e.g. ice breakers you use - you know they are lines - but you almost have to use them if absolutely no conversation is flowing but you want to get to know this person better - so you're forced to use them - just to keep the conversation flowing and keep him/her interested (see "so...what are you studying?" "where do you work?" "how long have you lived in Omaha?").

I couldn't stop looking into his eyes - it was then I knew I was in trouble. I've been single for about a year and have gone on about 3 dates in that year. Now I find someone I've clicked with - to me - almost on a magnetic level. We're having coffee tomorrow. I know he got to me when certain songs - both edgy and corny started to run through my head and take on another meaning entirely (such as Bonnie Raitt's "Feeling of Falling" and The Replacements' "Valentine" - from Rhino's reissue of Pleased to Meet Me). I praise this development in my life because it comes at a time where music - no matter how good - just wasn't having an impact for me. It was just background material to the soundtrack of a guy who was frustrated at gaining 30 pounds over the year partly due to a back injury, partly due to overwork. Then, suddenly - you have certain feelings reawakened - and music starts to actually have an impact again. You start to relate to the artist - what Jarvis Cocker was thinking when he wrote "Sylvia" or what Lucinda Williams was going through when she wrote "Essence."

But the guarded part of me is starting to appear - just in time. I keep reminding myself I haven't even gone out on a date with this guy. I still have to go through the coffee meeting - the preseason of dating. Having coffee is a cheap way of determining whether or not a person is worthy of an actual date - where dressing up and money is invested in a person. I keep thinking of PJ Harvey. Will the next week put me in the Stories From The City, Stories From The Sea mood, where a person known for singing about heartbreak finds love in a new setting, but doesn't sacrifice much of what made her PJ Harvey? Or will a series of "I don't want to tie myself down" and "Well, you have my email..." put me in a Rid of Me or To Bring You My Love mood?

Gay, straight, bisexual - every single folk out there will hopefully have that one initial spark with someone - who within 30 minutes of conversation - you could just see yourself with them - maybe not your entire life - but definitely for a long time. And at the same time, knowing the terrible fear of plunging off the deep end to someone who may not be recripocating those feelings. But you have to find out. So - here goes the biggest challenge - putting all of that shit aside and getting that exact person to have dinner with you.

If I was to select a doctor the way the Right tells me how I should select a president

First and foremost, I would want a doctor who was not an 'elitist.' Before I look at things like "credentials" - I would want to make sure I could have a beer with this doctor after my procedure.

I would also want the doctor to be devoutly religious. Preferably born-again. And despite my doctor's constant exposure to "science" - I would want to make sure he or she believed in Creationism.

OK - those two big things are out of the way. Let's keep going.

I would want a doctor who would not waver. If a new study comes out, saying a certain drug is known to have harmful side effects, I would want my doctor to be steadfast in his or her belief that the drug prescribed to me will help me. Regardless of the adverse effects. Any second-guessing of his prescriptions is a sign of weakness. No flip-flopping on diagnosis either - even if new tests come out.

Speaking of come out. No homos. That should go without saying. I'd be afraid of what would happen to me when I'm unconscious during surgery.

Finally, I want a doctor who has pride in the hospital he or she works. You say another hospital can do a certain task better? Nonsense. I hate doctors who do not have pride in their own hospital. Their hospital is the best at everything. From the cafeteria to burn treatment to cancer screenings - the hospital I go to is the best. End of story.

Barack Obama - This is what you have to deal withd

2008 - The Summer Where My Cinematic Cynicism Melted

Your age is most likely going to affect your judgment of the crop of summer movies. I'm 34 - and for a good portion of this decade, I thought the crop of summer movies were absolute crap with the exception of one or two decent crowd pleasers (see Spiderman 2, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban). For me, each crop of summer movies had to measure up against two years in summer movie yore: 1984 and 1989. 1984 gave us Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Gremlins. 1989 gave us Batman (which nearly all summer blockbusters since then have attempted to replicate in terms of crass marketing), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and Lethal Weapon 2. OK, Temple of Doom sucked, but as a fourth grader, the heart-ripping scene was totally badass.

Years change, tastes become more refined and cynicism serves as a great bullshit detector when the big blockbusters come rolling out and asking you for $8.50 plus another $10 for a small soda and a small popcorn. But this year is different. It's like what 1967 or 1977 was for music. Folks - we are currently experiencing the greatest crop of summer movies...ever. And audiences deserve nearly as much praise as the filmmakers and actors.


It started off with Iron Man - a hugely entertaining movie where the director went for talent rather than popularity or "big name draw" for a leading role.


Then came Wall-E. Even if you didn't care for the not so subtle "big business bad - sincerely Pixar - partially owned by Disney" message, it was a marvel to look at and in a time where everyone is saying kids are suffering from rampant ADD - having a movie that was virtually dialogue free for nearly 45 minutes is a feat worth celebrating.

Then Batman came - and Jesus - did it come with a vengeance. It looks like it's going to breeze by the ghastly Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and the just as bad Shrek 2 for box office gross.

So, we have three great movies, but even the lesser ones have been great. Hellboy 2 was stellar. And regardless of what your opinions of the series are, Sex in the City was no better or worse than an average episode, which is usually funnier than most comedies out there.

The only real piece of cinematic trash that cleaned up was Indiana Jones, proving that you can still market a movie that absolutely no one likes to $300 mill.

Audiences have more to look forward to. Barring a major disappointment, Pineapple Express looks like a sure lock for best comedy of the summer. And if it's written as well as previous Apatow projects, it'll mean four blockbusters that didn't stoop to the usual dumbness (e.g. fart jokes and gay jokes) of most comedies.

Just as surprising as the quality, audiences have stepped up as well, kicking well deserved turkeys like The Love Guru and Speed Racer to the curb.

Most summers, you'd be lucky to get a film with the quality of an Iron Man or definitely one Dark Knight. This year, we've had about four. Enjoy this year folks - chances are you won't see another crop like this for a good 20 or so odd years.